The Guilt That Lingers After Divorce, and the Freedom That Follows

By Robin Overmyer | Certified Life Coach

It’s been years since my divorce, and still, there are moments when guilt sneaks in like a shadow at sunset, quiet but heavy. I’ve asked myself all the questions a hundred times over. Did I try hard enough? Did I give up too soon? Was I patient enough, forgiving enough, strong enough? Was I the problem? Was I too much… or not enough?

These thoughts don’t come every day anymore. But they used to. And when they did, they wrapped themselves around my heart like vine, tightening until I couldn’t breathe. I thought maybe if I replayed every moment, every decision, every fight, and every silence, I could find the moment I failed. The moment I could have chosen differently. The moment I could have saved it.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned after years of reflection and healing:

You don’t have to keep punishing yourself for the version of you that did the best they could with what they knew at the time. I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, the capacity I had, the heart I had. And I’m betting you were, too.

Guilt is sneaky. It tries to dress itself up as accountability, but most of the time, it’s just shame in a clever disguise. And the longer we carry it, the heavier it gets, until we start to believe that we don’t deserve joy, love, or a second (or third or fourth) chance at happiness.

But here’s what I want to tell you, from one divorcee to another and from a life coach who’s walked alongside others in the same boat: You deserve peace. You deserve to forgive yourself. You deserve to build the most fulfilling life imaginable, even after loss. And it starts with letting go of the belief that your worth is tied to a relationship that ended. It takes courage to leave something that isn’t working. It takes grace to admit when it’s time to stop trying. And it takes love, deep, compassionate, unconditional love, to choose yourself again.

So, if you're holding on to guilt, I invite you to gently set it down. If you’re stuck in the loop of "what ifs," I invite you to step into the present moment. And if you’re wondering if it’s okay to fully love yourself again, yes!!! It absolutely is. Your story didn’t end with divorce. In many ways, it’s just beginning.

Be kind to your past.

Honor your effort.

And move forward, bravely, beautifully, and unapologetically.

You are worthy.

You are enough.

And you are free.

With Love,

Robin